You are my sunshine boy, the center of my world and being.

Since you were born you shifted my center of gravity just a little bit.

Such a small shift, yet I would never see the world through the same eyes.

Since we created you, since you grew inside me, we’ve always been together. Even post birth, you continued to nuzzle next to me during our daily naps and as I carried you around wrapped against myself. As you grew, you changed, you developed but we continued to share our special bond. When it got scary or bad, you always…

A subtle switch in my state of thinking. So subtle, gentle, I almost didn’t see it.

Photo by Nastya Dulhiier on Unsplash

No, I’m not a person that leaves things to the last minute. I'm always planning ahead, always having more wipes, extra food when we run out of chicken stock, or juice for my son. I pack our day hangout bag with snacks, extra clothes, bandaids, and even backup activities.

So, how did this happen? With mom duties and covid fatigue from the job, I called the pharmacy in advance and asked if they’d be open on Good Friday, to which they responded with a resounding “yes!”. …

Photo by Kate Hliznitsova on Unsplash

I am already a mommy. I am so blessed to be a mommy, to have a sweet darling baby that is no longer a baby but that has grown long legs and arms. That talks a mile a minute and sometimes almost knows more than me. I cherished every moment we had together, all of the cuddles, babywearing, all of our moments alone. Then came the day, we yearned to give him a sibling. Little did we know it would be so hard. Every month, I feel the feelings, the sudden hot flashes, the…

Photo by Ian Stauffer on Unsplash

My husband is my one and only, my first love straight from childhood.

He is also the one who caused me so much stress, pain, and heartache. My mother in law said something to me recently, something that I keep hearing in my mind over and over.

“You’ve lived with my son almost as long as you’ve lived with your parents”.

I can’t believe so much time has passed, it was just yesterday we walked the city in our early 20s exploring every corner and cafe! Now we have a toddler and are parents. Our time together has not been easy as we have each transformed into new people that we have had…

Daily life with Diastasis

Photo by Shane on Unsplash

Diastasis Recti is the separation of the stomach muscles that can occur most often after pregnancy (your growing baby takes up space and separates your muscles).

“Diastasis Recti Abdominis, abbreviated as DRA, is the partial or complete separation of the rectus abdominis muscle (the six-pack muscle) at central line connective tissue called the linea alba. […] Women are more prone to DRA during pregnancy, postmenopausal women and postpartum women. However, it can also occur in men due to vigorous abdominal exercises without proper guidance” ( Iqbal, Khalid, Ali, Ashraf, & Nazir, 2020).

To be honest, I never knew about Diastasis…

My sister was as young as 4 the first time we flew and I, 6. Memories woven to music, hover cloaked by musical choruses. “Everybody dance now!” Staring at the airplane tray table in front of me, switching radio stations in my seat stereo. That song always brought me across the oceans, every time, I would listen to the airplane radio and it would be there. Beckoning me to start my adventure. It was like a dream, surreal paired with that music, the sound of the airplane engine buzzing. The faces of strangers moving about the cabin. I distinctly remember…

At times like these, I find myself in the moments of survival. Finishing work, making dinner, filling my brain with tasks that need completion. Answering one or two texts only…

Image by Pooled Emotions © 2020

During pregnancy make sure to eat, but not too much.
Exercice to keep your sanity but not too vigorously.
Cuddle your newborn, but teach him to self soothe.
Breastfeed, breastfeed! But not past one year old!
Carry them in a sling, but only while they are still light.
Spend time together, but share them with others, they need exposure to strangers.
Sleep together while you can, but not too much or they’ll lose their independence.
You have to let them cry, crying is growing up.
So much advice.

I tell myself to follow the rules, listen to my elders, but…

The calm in between the storm.

When we go to the lake, all misunderstandings and tension slip away if only for the minutes that we spend staring at the water. The calming sounds of the water moving forward and receding. The delicate sprinkling of the waves, the clearness of the lake, so clear you can tell the difference between different colored pebbles and sand. Like the gentle caresses of a mother. Today, the waves are so gentle almost in anticipation of the fragility of the situation. Almost tip toeing around us, creating a safe family cocoon of comfort. These are…

“You look like you’ve lost weight.” Those magical words, they bring hope, fear and unraveling all in one. I look at myself in the mirror from the front, I turn, look from the side. I noticed the flatness between my pants and my shirt. “Hmmm… maybe he’s right!” Maybe, just maybe! Maybe this is the day!” The day I’ve been waiting for-since my beautiful boy began to grow inside me. He took control of my body, my physiology turned against me to provide nourishment to this new life. My body hungered like never before. I found myself sitting at my…

Pooled Emotions

Mom, wife. She/Her. Learning to write again.

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