Infraction

Ovulation
A dip in hormones
So subtle
Things going perfect
But then mom exhaustion hits
I can no longer ride the caffeniated wave
Then I malfunction
My neural circuits get blocked
Clogged with all of my guilty mom thoughts
I’m blocked from doing anything productive
I’m stiff
Wedged between my responsibilities and my inability to make the proper decision
My emotions are warped
And I’ve been barred from experiencing relief
I’m faulty and insufficient.
I’m unworthy of love
I’m substandard.
My skeleton holds me together.
Tells me where my heart belongs and where my lungs should be.
My motherly duties pulsate through my brain.
They override the dread.
But I still feel the old memories of my youth. Like ants crawling up my arms. Sometimes biting at my wrists. I feel that gentle yet familiar prickle.
Since I’ve grown up, I’m able to resist and desist. I escape often. Sometimes wondering how I made it out alive.
The hours pass, we breathe, I breathe. We continue living and I wonder if it was all a dream?